Love, Marriage, Family and Children - Part 4 - Choice matters...

Standing against a typical 'living the given way person' is not always easy. The whole system is built upon justifying their believes. So it's not an easy task arguing against them. Regarding children, we two are keeping our mouths shut all the time but there is always pressure in situations others put on us. Pressure still pushes me and I'm sure that it pushes her too. And I'm pretty sure that it will remain the same throughout our entire lifetime. (Well, at least till the age we are no longer capable if we lived that much) Also, I'm sure it's the same for all the people who live by their own set of rules set by their own choice. Choices people make derail them for an alternate direction, or to stand still. All of them are naturally becoming the victims of "standard" society. Even if the different style of them isn't hurting anyone, the heavy currents of the 'river of standards' continue to flood on them.

I know you might think of all of those points others make as irrelevant. But I'm making a point here about the people we have to deal with. There's nothing more to that. Believe what you think correct and that belief must based on solid grounds. Understanding other people is a way to distinguish yourself among them and it's important to know them in that aspect. So if you plan to have an alternate decision, your partner or anyone who cares about you should be concerned. How would the decision affect them?

I'm worried about her because of that. Though we had the decision together, we are not always together. And sometimes people with an alternate choice are always trying to escape from a problem and easily falling into another one. It's always a life with unusual problems. Probably unexplored. The solutions are not properly studied. One has to find the best solution but it's like a blind test. Because it's always a new problem and there is not a moment like that before. Definitely not an accessible recorded version. If you are a heavy reader, you may have come across characters who faced a similar situation. But the solution may not be useful in the same way. Always have to find your way.

So the topic about the child was again on the table. And again we couldn't find any reason to make one. Things were not in there best state at that moment. So we buried it temporarily to consider in a moment we both feel comfortable. Probably a moment which is never going to come.

I can't help this post being this much longer, I intended to write something else but this isolation lead my hands to obey my mind and type the shit coming out without thinking twice.

The major reason I don't want a child is because I don't want to get out of the current zone of comfort. Don't want to give up the freedom I have. Even after being married, I am almost a free man. And I believe I have given that space to her too. I don't know how she took that either. But she seemed fine apparently. I know for sure that every stupid thing I did because I wanted to keep the connection.

Does 'she being fine' (Remember, she looked OK to me but she was not) mean that she doesn't need a kid? In the discussion, she had some logical reasons for not having kids might comfort her. But again I have doubts whether she really means that. She doesn't need a child all alone?
Or is it me? the reason? Am I not the person she wants to have her child?
Or maybe she had seriously thought that out and decided it's better for her to stay plain.

Only she knows.

To be continued