Love, Marriage, Family and Children - Part 2 - how much you know of your partner

I never wanted a typical married life then. And even now I think marriage destroys relationships. It pulls flying people to ground and glue them tight without letting them fly again. And then it continues as a typical "marriage". Things as bills, various expenses, monthly commitments and family responsibilities become the main reason to be together than anything else. Didn't want that. Didn't wanna kill myself. Wanted to keep loving. Wanted a perfect love. And that's the idiot I was. Should have known that there is no such thing as perfect love.

But in Sri Lanka, there's no possible way of living like that. Whether you like it or not, if you want to have sex with the woman you love, unless it's a sex intedded one, you have to marry her. And let her parents be happily sleeping knowing their daughter holding hands with a legally bonded man. Also for your parents to be satisfied ultimately, thinking their son will behave responsibly and follow the targets to become a man accumilating stuff as wealth, which they consider as the key to prosperity.

So we had to think and decide whether we want to live together for the foreseeable future. The decision was firm and we never talked about it much then and even after, until recently.

And that question lead to many things.

I thought to ask her whether we should consider about a kid because I felt she was suffering from being a No-child woman. But I never had any idea how deep her feelings could have been hurt on that matter. Sometimes I couldn't even tollerate people asking about kids from me. Those people get amazed by hearing that we don't have kids even after being married for 5 years. Some people have tried to convince me to go to see a specific monk or a doctor who treats for those situations. No kids situations. And believe me there are a lot of married couples who are in need of kids and don't have the capacity. It's some kind of a physical or mental problem and there are a lot of people doing treatmets for that. In fact it's kind of an industry. But I don't know how many couples succeeded following those.

So when a couple don't want kids by their choice, people can't beleive it. I got used to keep my mouth shut than trying to explain it to people who ask. Because lot of people don't really know about having a choice. And I knew she had been facing the same situation double time.

She never talked much but I felt her sorrow in occasions when the subject was on the table. Maybe it's not entirely on that, it seems she got bored on how her life moves on. And I'm sure she was bored of me too. As for every other couple, boredom was slowly overcoming our lives. So the question I asked about children lead to many other questions about our relationship. After many heart breaking sessions, for good or bad, life continues. Still!

Problem is, is she strong enough to face the society as a no-mother? She seems to be standing firm in many other cases, but this is in a different level and I'm not sure how she handles that. What if she's sufering under her blanket? What if she secretly blaming me and her self, and our marriage?

For me to have kids, there's no reason other than the need to keep the relationship with her intact. (Poor me, I thought she'll never leave me if we had a baby) If a baby is going to add additional stability to our lives, I'd probably enjoy being in it. But as per the experience so far with the people, I don't think a kid is the ideal solution to keep the stability of a family.