Love as a complete something else...

We had an argument a week ago and there was pain. And now everything has cooled down to a regular state and there is a new feeling. Yes, about the same thing. It's like a revolution. A new life. A new wave.

As I believe, This phase is where we climb in to another peak of life where the fall begins again.

But while those everything is being processed in the background, I still know my love is there. And It's living rather than just being. I have and really got embedded the feeling in to my whole body and mind while we are arguing or just being happy.

It that love? It's just knowing it's there?

A regular one

Few months ago, I wrote a post in sinhalese about a friend who was going to be married to his girl friend from the affair which I caused the spark. Now they are preparing for their first child to be born and I guess the baby is gonna come out soon.

Now my friend is in a track of being a regular person with regular needs and responsibilities. He's an IT lecturer for a military academy and starting an institute for IT training. He invited me to participate with a subject or too. Since I'm not interested in lecturing and teaching at all, I was confused with his proposal and made a bunch of reasons to avoid it. I told I'm not after money and hence do not need to do extra work other than the job I'm doing. But he insisted. He told me that money is not a matter now but soon it will be and money is the key for a better living.

I already knew that and avoided to be the regular man who needs that everything and a better life. But it's how the world rotate. I'm not able to travel counter wise?

He's being the regular person which I hate to be but seems I'm going to consider his invitation. Not because I need money but to get out of what I am now. May be It'll pull me out of the pool of laziness.

But fuck, I do not need to be a regular one.

Pain is single sided!

Yes! love may be something worth sharing. But pain is single sided for sure. While everyone and even everything around you are trying to make you feel better, you are thinking that it's not gonna happen. And pain is still inside without being able to be cooled down.

The story is the same for the other side too. It's worth looking what the other side feels but since it's still single sided, You'll never find it out! The only even fact in both sides are that both sides are thinking the heavy side is theirs'. How ever the pain cannot be shared no matter who the person is. But it can be forgotten. Time is the best solution for that while those lots of other solutions are just make it crappy.

And still, the pain is single sided!

Let it be.

Each and every time this happens, I feel sorrow. And even if it's not my fault entirely, I'm taking the heavy side in to my shoulder and having suffered. Letting her to be cool down. Yes it's not her fault too but the situation is complicated as ever. That's how the things are and I'm wondering again about where the relationship of me and her is going to end up. Here we can never finger anyone while the other side always get the idea in an own special way. It's just like realizing something entirely different!

But the sorrow is painful regardless of the person. She is suffering as I know and she's not afraid of showing it irrespectively. Making me the idiot.

The ultimate thought I'm always being slapped is whether I'm fulfilling her dreams or not. As a person with no dreams at all and also as a person who wants to think just about the moment (even it's not possible at all), it's a hard life. And love is even harder after it became the same which I was being tired of. But when... again to the start, love is the reason I'm going to survive for. So love...

Could it be more than the same?

Do I have to stay calm as I'm being always? Does it solve the problem?

Or shall I let it be... as always...