Why should I worry?

I know I have to complete the quest I started about religions and stuff. It's again the laziness which punches me time to time. So I'm just gonna end this up with the conclusion of the conversation I had with my friend.

And I'm gonna sleep for sometime.

The conclusive point my friend took there was "my death". Since I'm an atheist and not committed to any social group, how my after death preparations will proceed? It' was an ultimate problem for him. Well, I was thinking about it for some time. Actually for a long time. I've taken a decision for some time and that's it about it.

I don't care.

I don't care about what will happen after my death. Should anyone be worried about that? I don't think so. Since I got nothing to possess and to lose, I'm not worried about myself at all. Why worrying about my corpse?

If I've had a good life with friends and relations when I'm dying, they'll care about it. I'm gonna prepare a will mentioning that my funeral should be done within hours and no religious thing should be done ;-) Since my friends and relations are religious, should I mention if they did religious funeral with my corpse, I'll come as a ghost and scare them? :D Anyway, If I'm gonna be a loner and away from all the loved ones, still I'll make friends around to do whatever they want to do with my body. Otherwise it'll be tasted by dogs and crows if the government failed to dispose it at the time.

But apart from all, I'm planning to donate my body to a medical college so they can experiment on one of the extincting species on earth.

Living a lie!

A Friend who mistakenly happened to read my previous post is asking me whether I'm a religious person or not. And there was a fascinating discussion between him and me. I'm not gonna vomit everything here but some hilarious points, if I may say.

The friend was so much confused by hearing that I'm an atheist. (I do not prefer saying that because atheism has became something like a religion too. But I have no other words for what I am.) His confusion was fair because he saw me at my Father's and Aunt's funerals which happened during a year of time. He saw me worshiping monks rapidly then and there and smoothly getting done all the religious practices which are needed in a Sri Lankan funeral house. Also he had seen the pictures of me holding the Cheevaraya so devoutly at the Kathina Pinkama which was an event at my good friends place. He has been thinking that I was a very holy spiritual person and suddenly got confused by the post.

He asked me why all those religious rituals by me if I'm an atheist? The answer was simple. And it's a common answer for me in lot of cases. "This is Sri Lanka. And we are living in a community."

The community do not consider what really we are. All it needs from us is adhering to it's standards. So a religion for a person is a need and those rituals required by those religions are musts. In order to live in what we believe, we have to act a double. One is the real character with the believes of our true self and the other, the character community need in it's standards. Yes, it's a game of living among various other games we are in.

As my good friend Mr. Ganegoda say, living a lie is the game itself, with the system which prevents us living in our true selves. That scenario leaves us much to laugh. Mostly for the idiotic things we do by the name of the community.

So after all, I have a religion which comes handy with forms I have to fill, interviews I have to face and in any needed moments likewise. But still, I'm not religious by all means.

Be religious, if you are not self confident!

Religions are almost complete systems. That's the utmost reason for them to sustain longer than other idolatrous concepts. Religions has given the answers for all the desired problems a person which he may occur with. No matter the answer, it is made believed by the owners (probably not by the authors) of the religion. But since the reality is not staying perfectly streamed, and new knowledge is ever expanding across the traditional believes, religions must come out with magical concepts.

So there are so many crappy concepts about life, death and the stage in between. The results of good and bad and reincarnation with the knowledge gathered in the previous lifetime. Do better and go to heaven, otherwise to hell. A person's disease identified as a result of a sin he has done and so forth.

Endless!

Lot's of people are there to believe them. Disregarding the fact that all the crap there, (Though there are some lot of good stuff people are not aware of...) people are believing what ever the owners say about it.

Is it because people are not self confident to live and learn from life. The ups and downs and goods and bads?

Or are they blinded by the magical theories of those systems?

Or is it because they are lazy to use their brains a bit and get out of it. Do they think that staying at their cage is better than coming outside...

What ever, the ultimate reason of a living thing is nothing else than living itself.

So what the hell!

You smoke, you die.

You quit smoke, still you'll die.

selfishnesssssss!

Life is selfish itself. And that meaning is true even when applied to the whole concept of life. It's there to exist. By the means of existence life becomes selfish. As a person of selfish thoughts, it's hard to forget about the self and dedicate to others. Yes it's hard. And I bet that no one can totally exist by the means of others.

But one can chose to be or not to be for others. That's neither politics nor religious. Affirmatively not about being a good guy and be loved. It's hard to dedicate, especially without being benefitted. So living in a world mixed up is harder. One must have to give up himself for other while a part of him wants those others to get fucked off. So it's not an easy living for one which doesn't want to choose. Or just want everything (perhaps).

But when he's compromised with himself to be for another, he'll need to forget himself, for a moment at least. So when he is committed for someone else, he'll need to forget everything of himself...

...including others which he treats as himself.

Should those internal others sue him as a selfish freak?

I know this is bullshit. It's the most straightforward explanation for all this.

Love as a complete something else...

We had an argument a week ago and there was pain. And now everything has cooled down to a regular state and there is a new feeling. Yes, about the same thing. It's like a revolution. A new life. A new wave.

As I believe, This phase is where we climb in to another peak of life where the fall begins again.

But while those everything is being processed in the background, I still know my love is there. And It's living rather than just being. I have and really got embedded the feeling in to my whole body and mind while we are arguing or just being happy.

It that love? It's just knowing it's there?

A regular one

Few months ago, I wrote a post in sinhalese about a friend who was going to be married to his girl friend from the affair which I caused the spark. Now they are preparing for their first child to be born and I guess the baby is gonna come out soon.

Now my friend is in a track of being a regular person with regular needs and responsibilities. He's an IT lecturer for a military academy and starting an institute for IT training. He invited me to participate with a subject or too. Since I'm not interested in lecturing and teaching at all, I was confused with his proposal and made a bunch of reasons to avoid it. I told I'm not after money and hence do not need to do extra work other than the job I'm doing. But he insisted. He told me that money is not a matter now but soon it will be and money is the key for a better living.

I already knew that and avoided to be the regular man who needs that everything and a better life. But it's how the world rotate. I'm not able to travel counter wise?

He's being the regular person which I hate to be but seems I'm going to consider his invitation. Not because I need money but to get out of what I am now. May be It'll pull me out of the pool of laziness.

But fuck, I do not need to be a regular one.

Pain is single sided!

Yes! love may be something worth sharing. But pain is single sided for sure. While everyone and even everything around you are trying to make you feel better, you are thinking that it's not gonna happen. And pain is still inside without being able to be cooled down.

The story is the same for the other side too. It's worth looking what the other side feels but since it's still single sided, You'll never find it out! The only even fact in both sides are that both sides are thinking the heavy side is theirs'. How ever the pain cannot be shared no matter who the person is. But it can be forgotten. Time is the best solution for that while those lots of other solutions are just make it crappy.

And still, the pain is single sided!

Let it be.

Each and every time this happens, I feel sorrow. And even if it's not my fault entirely, I'm taking the heavy side in to my shoulder and having suffered. Letting her to be cool down. Yes it's not her fault too but the situation is complicated as ever. That's how the things are and I'm wondering again about where the relationship of me and her is going to end up. Here we can never finger anyone while the other side always get the idea in an own special way. It's just like realizing something entirely different!

But the sorrow is painful regardless of the person. She is suffering as I know and she's not afraid of showing it irrespectively. Making me the idiot.

The ultimate thought I'm always being slapped is whether I'm fulfilling her dreams or not. As a person with no dreams at all and also as a person who wants to think just about the moment (even it's not possible at all), it's a hard life. And love is even harder after it became the same which I was being tired of. But when... again to the start, love is the reason I'm going to survive for. So love...

Could it be more than the same?

Do I have to stay calm as I'm being always? Does it solve the problem?

Or shall I let it be... as always...